Just to let you know...over the weekend Cupid and I are losing our internet connection. Hurrah, rented accommodation. We will be moved into our new places, and back online, early in August if all goes to plan. Till then, I'll just add some highlight from the last week or so.
Last weekend, I got very headspacey, and as often happens, clicked into full Sub mode. This was a bit weird for two reasons.
Firstly, I'm not a hundred percent sure that my desire to sub when I have a confidence-dip is healthy - maybe not quite the Sane required with Safe, Sane and Consensual. I suspect what I really want is affirmation that 'yes, Psyche, you are a bad little girl, I'm going to have to spank you, but I still love you'. When I go subby, I'm demanding recognition of, and punishment for, my own shortcomings, guilts and fears, so I can stop beating myself up over them. This is a bit issuesy to bring into a scene, and I probably should keep a serious eye on my motives for subbing.
The second reason is that it's unfair on Cupid, who likes time to plan and to prepare, just to spring a scene on him that he's not expecting and probably not in the mood for.
So, at the weekend, I went subby and asked for a scene, and Cupid obliged. By the time we went to bed, I had no underwear on, because I'd changed in the evening and thought this was a good way to please him. He spanked me to get us in the mood, - though I can't recall what reason he gave. He also wound me up so I was very very turned on and wanted to be fucked. Then he ordered me to turn face down, and I thought 'This is it.'
He got out the lubricant, which is something we use when my pussy is dry sometimes, but then he started playing with my arse. I am pretty anally-erotic - possibly assisted by my kink for gay men - and this amazed me, because from what he'd always said, Cupid wasn't into the idea of giving anal sex. Also, we've had a chequered history with it, because when we first got together Cupid wasn't keen on the idea of receiving it - a pleasure I introduced him to - and for a long time I was too shy and embarrassed to let him even touch me there.
I got him keen on anal sex using fingers or a vibrator - the rotating head of my Rabbit being a particular favourite - and he'll often use his finger on my arse when I'm face down, making myself come. But I had no idea he was interested in fucking me up the arse.
So, I lay very quiet and still like a good sub, until I was quite sure of his intentions. Then I started making a lot of noise, to make sure he was aware that I approved. He started with one finger, then two, and then his cock. This was a first for me. Obviously, with other boys I'd used condoms, but it was the first time I'd done it unprotected. For me, anal stimulation is right on the pleasure-pain boundary so is much more intense than something purely pleasurable. I think it was less so for him, to be honest. I'm not as practised as I'd like a relaxing the muscles, so it was really too constricting for him to enjoy it.
After a few minutes we switched to the more conventional variety of sex, and when we stopped I had that lovely slightly painful feeling of having been thoroughly fucked. Again, it's on the fine line between pleasure and pain, so I really enjoy it. Lying there after an orgasm feeling slightly broken and bruised gives me a real kick.
Don't know if he wants to do this again - but I really wouldn't argue.
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