Psyche as a sub

OK, now for a confession.


I'm really very switch.


I guess most of us have played both sides of the game, and it's a sensible piece of advice that a Dom should have had try at subbing so s/he knows what it's like. I missed that chance, since my serious experience of BDSM started with Cupid, a confirmed sub who had never considered switching. But at a party once, when I'd had quite a lot to drink, I got fooling about with a friend who used to go out with Cupid, a girl called Beatrice.
It was the sort of party where one ends up topless, and I was half-undressed, and stood in the kitchen with her, stroking her breasts with sincere if drunken admiration.

I found myself, to my delight, kneeling at her feet, and then she savaged me suddenly, laid me flat on my back on the cold kitchen floor and jammed her thumb against my windpipe so I couldn’t breathe. I got so panicked and breathless I cried. That was nice and subby. She said "Don’t touch them again without permission." I lay there and shivered and people came in and looked and went away. Beatrice said she liked the idea that everyone could see me being subby. Then she took my outside and we talked.

I don't remember all the details, but I know I loved it.

(For me, crying can be a positive experience. It's a catharsis of my emotions, and it happens after really good sex. Also, it's one of my two reactions to being dommed. The other is mildly hysterical giggling).

Afterwards, she said she couldn't imagine why I was Cupid's Dom, because I'm obviously so sub. Paradoxically, she reckoned I was so sub I hadn't even thought to question this situation:

She says I am a total sub – because I am so subby I have been persuaded to read up on domming and do it for the boy who is, perversely, domming me to dom him.

I thought this was possible, and started questioning my status. Admittedly, it had been severely questioned from the word go, and learning my style had been a long process of asking "Why am I doing this?" and "Is he going to like it or freak out?" But now I'd settled down into mild-to-moderate dominness, here was the revelation that being dommed myself gave me a huge thrill. A huge amount of soul-searching went into the diary, and I eventually decided to message him online with orders - something I'd done a few times before.

‘Darling,
The plan for tonight, if you’re up for it, is that you will dom me. As usual, the safeword is Palestine, and I will use it if necessary. Otherwise, you have my permission to tease me and use me any way you like. (This is a good time to demonstrate things you’d like done at a later point, so your Lady can consider them). You should know what a sub likes.
Looking forward,
All yours,
Psyche’

The response was more positive than I'd expected: he said he could try domming, if it was teasy domming and not too serious. He told me I was to go round to his on a night later in the week, taking a small vibrator I have and a blindfold, and not wearing underwear.

I went home, took off my underthings, got the vibrator and the blindfold, put them in my jacket pockets and went round to Cupid's place.
Then after we had kissed a bit, he went downstairs and I got out the blindfold and vibrator and put them on the bedside table. When he returned, I was all set to kneel at his feet but didn't quite have the nerve, being unsure what he was going to do.
He made me lie on the bed for a bit and sat on me. Then he ordered me to get up and take all my clothes off. I did, and stood, hands behind me, head bowed. He pointed mutely at the bed and I lay down, with him astride me. He asked if I’d brought the things he said. I said they were on the table. He said to wriggle down and put my head on the pillow. I did. Then I had to put the blindfold on. I did, and couldn’t repress a stupid grin. I felt so good about being helpless. I tried to hide my face but it was tricky. He tied me – legs first – to the bed, murmuring ‘I’ve been itching for an opportunity to do this since I got the bed. Well, I was visualising me being tied to it, but…’ Duly noted.
He tied my arms, and I moved my head out of his way, and he said ‘I said to keep your head on the pillow. Bad!’ and slapped me lightly on the cheek. Then he got up and I heard him take off his clothes. He sat on me and touched me, and said I looked very beautiful. He had this voice,quite unlike how he usually speaks, very soft and low and mildly threatening. He asked how it felt.
‘Nice,’ I said.
‘Good.’
‘Slightly scary.’
‘Better.’
Then he touched me a bit, bit my nipple to the point of pain, and because I couldn’t see him it all felt amazing. He got the vibrator and teased me with it. Then he placed it so it wouldn’t move and was pressing the side of my clit, and said ‘I’m going downstairs to get a glass of water. You’re not going to move. Because you were bad, I may close the door, or not. Because you’re blindfolded, you won’t know. And because I’m bad, I’m not going to tell you. Have fun." (Oh, such a wicked tone of voice!) And he went.
I heard the door slam, but up till then I thought he would actually leave me visible, naked, tied, blindfolded and with a vibrator resting into me. I wriggled to try and get it closer to me. It felt amazing. I also giggled a lot and cursed him in an affectionate way.
When he came back, he said, ‘You cheated. You listened to me shut the door.’ I didn’t bother to argue. He sat on me again, went to kiss me then stopped, and I tried for his lips and he said "I didn’t ask you to do that, did I?"
"No."
"Bad." Another slap.
He put his cock in my mouth at one point, which felt fantastic. Then he sat on me, and began to play with himself. I could feel him moving and his thighs tensed. Then he stopped and took off the blindfold. He untied my left hand, and I started to tease him. He said I looked very pretty like that, very beautiful, and he was really tempted to come on me, but then, he wouldn’t get to fuck me and he really wanted to do that. He could always untie me now? But if I kept doing that he’d have to leave me where I was. I paused, considered theatrically, then went back to playing with his cock. So he tied me up again for a bit, and sat astride me. He said something, I can’t just think what, which demanded an answer, and said ‘but I can’t do that can I?’
‘No.’
‘No what?’
‘No, you can’t.’ Slap.
‘No sir.’ Yum!
Eventually he untied me and I stopped being sub and told him that was amazing. He told me he got the idea when a friend told us about her old dom who used to tie her up and work on his thesis, and his main concern when he heard this was not to have to stand up in the near future. So that’s something I can do to him. I said I loved the verbal domming, and he said it was pretty cheesy. But he does it so much better than I do.
He said he liked it more than he’d thought, and I touched his cock and said ‘I could tell.’

Since then, we've modified the scenes in which we swap roles. We came up with a game which doesn't demand too much of Cupid, but gives me a turn at subbing. This idea came to me in the middle of the night, and I had to leap up and write it in the diary before I forgot.

Oooh, bright idea – we set a codeword which says that at some point in the evening, he’s invited to wriggle free and takes over. BUT I still have final say and decide beforehand how we’re going to play it, so if he’s wrong I get to punish him more.

I suggested this next time we met up:

We met up in the pub. I suggested my bright idea, which involved me getting him to sub, but him being allowed to wriggle free at some point, BUT I don’t tell him if he gets to carry on or if I’m going to smack him right back down. He sat there for a few seconds with that pretty little smile, and his eyes screwed up, then said ‘I’m hard just THINKING about that.’

We picked a random codeword to indicate the game, and I throw a coin to decide - Tails for me to stay sub all evening, Heads for me to take over. That way I'm not so able to cheat and get more than my fair share of subbing.

This post has got unwieldy, so I shall close here and write a sequel at a later point.