All change

More is changing in the world of Psyche and Cupid.

The other morning, after a lot of intense discussion, unrelated to kink, I started Domming Cupid about chastity. I was threatening to impose orgasm bans on him again - long-term ones, like 48 hours, rather than in-scene ones.

He suddenly stopped me and told me this was too much, and he was starting to feel overwhelmed with Scene, like we were over-doing it.

Initially, I reacted badly to this, taking it as a direct criticism. Since I am still quite insecure as a Domme, I assumed any problem was entirely my fault, and was annoyed that I'd put so much time and effort into learning to Dom, only to find it wasn't really what he wanted.

Of course, it wasn't nearly as drastic a situation as that. Once I calmed down and listened, he elaborated.

He was feeling that we were too sceney and never really out of character. He's never been a 24/7 type, and finds this difficult. Apparently this realisation just hit him, out of the blue, while I was domming.

I can see why this bothers him. Reflecting on what he said, it's true. Since I now live with another kinky couple, who have a D/s situation running pretty constantly, I've been acting up to a similar level. My communal house-space has got very kink-heavy, and Cupid is finding it oppressive.

Also, the counting apologies game we had is liable to sneak into every conversation we have, and is also getting wearing for him.

We resolved:
1. Our various communal spaces, at my place and his, are kink-free. (I lapsed last night, pinching his inner thighs to make him get up and make the tea. He - quite rightly - pulled me up on this behaviour, which was exactly the sort of thing he finds difficult. Worse luck, it's practically a habit with me now.).

2. We dropped the chastity idea altogether - it's never been Cupid's thing, as he likes to keep his erotic independence, although I kind of like it as an easy control method.

3. The counting of apologies has stopped.

4. There is a new safeword - roughly equating to Amber oin the Traffic-Light system - which is Doncaster. This indicates something is uncomfortable or it;s not the right moment, rather than a full-on emergency.

I'm waiting to see how we will react to these changes.

I've really toned down on the D/s, partly because I want to know how much this is a change of Cupid's attitude, and how deep it goes. I find it as hard to envisage him becoming vanilla as becoming a vegan. I shall wait and see.

In Other News.
In just over a week, I come off hormonal contraception and stop being mood-swingy and tearful. Hopefully, that will improve out communication,- which has got a bit wobbly lately, what with me being away from home for a week, and a complex issue regarding non-monogamy arising.

I'm afraid I'm updating more gloom and nothing very exciting or upbeat, but bear with me, reader. Sooner or later there will be more excitement and kink, I promise!

Bad Psyche

I did something VERY silly this morning.

Cupid and I were playing, after a lengthy headspacey discussion, mostly to do with me feeling crap and him trying to reassure me. I got into one of my subby moods - feeling like I really needed some pain and discipline, just to feel normal again. So Cupid - despite not feeling very good, or very dommy - obliged, first with hard biting, then spanking. This felt good for me, and he got my Rabbit vibrator off the bedside table,lubed it, and went to fuck me up the arse with it.

Now, I should have said right then that, because it's got a big bulbous head, I needed warming up and stretching with one finger first. And I didn't. So he pushed it in, and I began to cry and said 'Oh FUCK. That hurts.' Not the safeword, note. An ambiguous signal.

Cupid, quicker than I was, asked 'Too much?' and when I said yes, pulled it out instantly, dropped out of character, and hugged me. I felt dreadful for not saying, and kept apologising (like I do), mostly because I knew he'd feel bad for hurting me, and I felt bad for making him feel bad, when I could have said something.

I don't know why I didn't say anything. Part of me would like to think it was total involvement in the scene, but it wasn't. I suspect it was me being detached and inattentive to my part of the play - me treading on my dance-partner's toes, if you like.

We talked it through, and carried on to very good, thoroughly vanilla, sex.

This incident illustrates very well why I shouldn't sub when my head-space is wonky. It also illustrates how good Cupid is to me, for which I am very grateful.

More - and cheerfuller - news soon.