All change

More is changing in the world of Psyche and Cupid.

The other morning, after a lot of intense discussion, unrelated to kink, I started Domming Cupid about chastity. I was threatening to impose orgasm bans on him again - long-term ones, like 48 hours, rather than in-scene ones.

He suddenly stopped me and told me this was too much, and he was starting to feel overwhelmed with Scene, like we were over-doing it.

Initially, I reacted badly to this, taking it as a direct criticism. Since I am still quite insecure as a Domme, I assumed any problem was entirely my fault, and was annoyed that I'd put so much time and effort into learning to Dom, only to find it wasn't really what he wanted.

Of course, it wasn't nearly as drastic a situation as that. Once I calmed down and listened, he elaborated.

He was feeling that we were too sceney and never really out of character. He's never been a 24/7 type, and finds this difficult. Apparently this realisation just hit him, out of the blue, while I was domming.

I can see why this bothers him. Reflecting on what he said, it's true. Since I now live with another kinky couple, who have a D/s situation running pretty constantly, I've been acting up to a similar level. My communal house-space has got very kink-heavy, and Cupid is finding it oppressive.

Also, the counting apologies game we had is liable to sneak into every conversation we have, and is also getting wearing for him.

We resolved:
1. Our various communal spaces, at my place and his, are kink-free. (I lapsed last night, pinching his inner thighs to make him get up and make the tea. He - quite rightly - pulled me up on this behaviour, which was exactly the sort of thing he finds difficult. Worse luck, it's practically a habit with me now.).

2. We dropped the chastity idea altogether - it's never been Cupid's thing, as he likes to keep his erotic independence, although I kind of like it as an easy control method.

3. The counting of apologies has stopped.

4. There is a new safeword - roughly equating to Amber oin the Traffic-Light system - which is Doncaster. This indicates something is uncomfortable or it;s not the right moment, rather than a full-on emergency.

I'm waiting to see how we will react to these changes.

I've really toned down on the D/s, partly because I want to know how much this is a change of Cupid's attitude, and how deep it goes. I find it as hard to envisage him becoming vanilla as becoming a vegan. I shall wait and see.

In Other News.
In just over a week, I come off hormonal contraception and stop being mood-swingy and tearful. Hopefully, that will improve out communication,- which has got a bit wobbly lately, what with me being away from home for a week, and a complex issue regarding non-monogamy arising.

I'm afraid I'm updating more gloom and nothing very exciting or upbeat, but bear with me, reader. Sooner or later there will be more excitement and kink, I promise!

Bad Psyche

I did something VERY silly this morning.

Cupid and I were playing, after a lengthy headspacey discussion, mostly to do with me feeling crap and him trying to reassure me. I got into one of my subby moods - feeling like I really needed some pain and discipline, just to feel normal again. So Cupid - despite not feeling very good, or very dommy - obliged, first with hard biting, then spanking. This felt good for me, and he got my Rabbit vibrator off the bedside table,lubed it, and went to fuck me up the arse with it.

Now, I should have said right then that, because it's got a big bulbous head, I needed warming up and stretching with one finger first. And I didn't. So he pushed it in, and I began to cry and said 'Oh FUCK. That hurts.' Not the safeword, note. An ambiguous signal.

Cupid, quicker than I was, asked 'Too much?' and when I said yes, pulled it out instantly, dropped out of character, and hugged me. I felt dreadful for not saying, and kept apologising (like I do), mostly because I knew he'd feel bad for hurting me, and I felt bad for making him feel bad, when I could have said something.

I don't know why I didn't say anything. Part of me would like to think it was total involvement in the scene, but it wasn't. I suspect it was me being detached and inattentive to my part of the play - me treading on my dance-partner's toes, if you like.

We talked it through, and carried on to very good, thoroughly vanilla, sex.

This incident illustrates very well why I shouldn't sub when my head-space is wonky. It also illustrates how good Cupid is to me, for which I am very grateful.

More - and cheerfuller - news soon.

Further counting games

Just a quick post, as Cupid is sitting naked on his bed with his hands tied behind him as I type.

I've just discovered a really wicked variation on counting games. I get him very wound up by playing with him, and than ban him from coming. He has to take his mind of this by reciting the alphabet backwards, every second letter of the alphabet, or whatever I suggest. Meanwhile, I continue teasing him, to make it as difficult as possible for him to concentrate. Obviously, if he comes before I give permission, he's in even more trouble.

He got spanked for being cheeky when I suggested the Fibonacci sequence (which he knows and I don't). He said he might just make it up. Well, he started to say that, and I turned him over and laid into his arse thoroughly for the mere suggestion that he might disobey me.

So far he's still banned from coming, and I haven't decided whether to let him, or leave him in suspense till we next meet. He's also under threat of a chastity belt if he disobeys me on this one again.

Right, time to see if Cupid knows the Greek alphabet.
Backwards.

Where to start with recent news?

My place still doesn't have Internet, and Cupid's is intermittent and wobbly, so again, it's been a while. Our scene from the other night is the best we've played recently, so here it is.


I'd had a couple of whiskys (not my usual) and was emboldened to play, though sufficiently sober to be safe.
(I realise there are varied opinions on mixing drink and play. Some people will say you should both be sober, some that it doesn't matter. My view is that a drink or two relaxes one enough to get more into the scene - much like ordinary sex - but with more than that, the consent issue raises its ugly head. Also, anyone in control of a scene that has physical restraints or risky moves involved needs to be just that - in control.)
So, two small glasses of whisky, and I was clear-headed but a little bolder than usual. We'd had an emotional evening and talked out a few stresses, and getting through that had made me feel well up to domming. Also, Beatrice (mentioned before) is now my housemate, and is very good at encouraging me in domming, and passing on ideas. Having dommed Cupid herself, she knows very well what presses his buttons. We'd been chatting with her earlier and she'd got me rather in the mood to play

We went back to my room, where Cupid knelt as soon as I had the door shut. I remained fully dressed, and made him take his top off. Then I ordered him to take his shoes and sock off too, and he rose from his knees and sat on the bed. I immediately asked him 'Did I tell you to do that?' Always a neat question when a sub gets out of line.
'No, my Lady.'
'Down.'
He knelt again, a bit puzzled as to how to get his shoes off while kneeling.
'Stay on the floor, and take off your shoes - and keep your eyes down. Do I have to explain everything?'

Once he'd got that sorted, I bent him over the bed, and spanked him thoroughly. I told him what a little slut he was. He'd been ordered to wear the girl's knickers I told you about - the mock-boxers with I LOVE BOY PANTS on them. They are, as I've noted, obscenely tight, and outline his cock perfectly. I had him strip down to those, and teased him relentlessly about how he looked - very very pretty - while teasing him harder with my fingers at the same time.

I managed to spin out the teasing till he was gasping and almost incoherent, even when I asked him a simple question. Needless to say, that gave me another good opportunity to spank him.

Then, I made him suck my fingers, while telling him what was going to happen next - I was going to play with his arse, something that really gets to him. I told him he'd better get my fingers really wet, because that was all the lubrication he was getting. 'KY is for good sluts.'

He hadn't done anything specific to warrant this treatment, but I hadn't dommed harshly in a while and I felt like we both needed a really severe scene.

Then I fucked him with my fingers, while he got close to making himself come by playing with his cock - but he had to wait for my permission. This is always tough for him to judge, and he has been known to ask permission when it's already too late. This time, I made him stop once, and smacked his hand away from his cock, and then allowed him to come the next time he got close.

I really enjoyed this scene, and was flattered afterwards when Cupid asked when I'd worked it out. Since I'd been very low on confidence all evening, he thought I'd planned it some time previously. In truth, it just flowed from me, as occasionally a scene does. It's a wonderful feeling when I know that every move I make is precisely right, and is giving him a huge thrill.


It's hard to explain what makes a scene run this smoothly. Partly, I suspect, it is the ease that comes with having had a drink, a heightened confidence. I wouldn't drink just for my confidence, but the whisky just took the edge off my hesitation, and that helped a lot.
Also, the attitude I bring to a scene shapes it. Mostly, it is about acting on impulse. The best strokes of my domming career have come about through my having an idea and acting on it at once, before it cools. If it occurs to me that he would look better bent over the bed than lying on it flat, I make the change and we go from there. The discovery that my purple vibrator gives him more fun than it does me, and the discovery of the spatula, and the clothes-pegs, and a few other toys, can be attributed to this impulsive domming.
Third, I stopped asking my worst domming question, which is 'Now what shall I do with you?' It always implies hesitation, not knowing already what I'm doing, and that fatally saps my confidence. If I've run out of ideas, the scene is effectively over. I decided in my head that night exactly what I would do, and I did it without any reference to Cupid.


Now I need to decide how to punish him for his behaviour on Friday morning. I had to leave early for work, and sent him downstairs in my skimpy feminine dressing-gown to make my breakfast while I showered. He was very good about that, and while we ate I played with his cock, which was pretty obvious through the thin material. He' always easily turned on after he waked up, and rubbing him with a handful of the soft silky dressing-gown got him very hard.

Last time he stayed over, he texted me later to say he'd made himself come after I left. This time round, I decided he wasn't to, since we were seeing each other again in the evening. I told him so, adding that I'd know if he cheated, and left for work.

That night, when we met, we were out together, so had a few drinks and then came home and slept. I forgot to check on how responsive and arousable he was that night, which was how I meant to tell if he'd done as I said or if he'd come that morning. It wasn't till Saturday morning that he said - very minxily - that he'd disobeyed me and made himself come after I left, and how come I couldn't tell like I said I could?

So, I need to think of something to do to him, for disobeying and for minxing about it. Any suggestions?

Other news - my apologising got a bit out of hand lately. I'm up to a hundred and seventeen and counting. More news on that soon.

Back on the air

We have finally got internet access back. I've been fed-up with going online from internet cafes, and not daring to check out how my kink blog is going.

Cupid and I are back to separate rooms, which is a blessing in some ways. I now have a space which is MINE, which he kneels down when he enters. And I have much more understanding housemates than before. I have enough room to store my various outfits and props and toys. He has the freedom of not being under his Lady's thumb all week, which was getting a bit irksome for him.
And the mystique is creeping back. Little things like him not knowing what I'm wearing underneath, because he didn't see me getting dressed this morning.

This evening, I have a surprise for him. I've just got my hair dyed, and with the leftover dye I drew a heart-shape into my muff. He has three guesses, two of which he's used - my fancy red knickers and my scorpion nipple-jewellery were the first two. There's a forfeit if he doesn't get it right on the next guess. I bet he won't.

I haven't decided what the forfeit is yet.

I promised to update on how the spankings to make me stop apologising were going . They worked pretty well, and brought out Cupid's inner dom more than I expected. He seemed to get into the idea of giving me a quick scene - five minutes over his knee - at bedtime, or extending it if he wanted to play for longer. I took to going up to bed first, and waiting, with the collar on, reading till he came up, like an obedient sub. Then he'd question me closely about the number we were on, and I'd have forgotten, guess, argue with the increase he said, and try to minx my way out of punishment. I'm very bad at being a good sub, I'm very disobedient, but it's probably handy for Cupid to have a good reason to punish me.

Also, we improvised a new toy. There was one spatula in the kitchen of his old house that was much more solid and square that the normal ones, which tend to have round corners and be quite flexible. While we were washing up once, I got it out and whacked Cupid's bum with it, saying 'Look! A pervertible!'

Later, when I'd been naughty and was being punished, I was cheekier than usual, and Cupid left me and went downstairs. I lay there thinking 'Oh shit, I'm going to get the ICE,' which is my least favourite punishment. He came back up with the spatula instead, which was a big relief. At least until he started spanking me with it.

In a couple of days we're going out clubbing. I've suggested, like the SAM (Smart-Arse Masochist) I am, that Cupid gets to dictate what I wear, right down to the skin. He's not a big fan of detailed clothes-analysis like I am, so I suggested he could just say which bits he wanted on show, and I'd work it out from there. The collar is a given, naturally, and the lead that goes with it. I'm already a little kinked about wearing those on the way into town. Once we're at the venue, no one will be at all shocked, but I LIKE the idea that a lot of people I don't know can see how much I love submitting to Cupid.

Anyway, it's late and I ought to be in bed. I'll post more soon.

Psyche is apologetic

Lately, due to various factors, I have caught myself apologising for everything. Standing in the wrong place, saying the wrong thing, having an opinion...
I've begun starting sentences with 'Sorry'.

You know how someone uncomfortable tries to tuck in on themself and take up less space? My repeated apologies have the same effect. I'm trying to apologise for being in Cupid's way or in his space, and in my low moments, that gets big and intense till I want to apologise for existing.

I caught myself repeating this verbal tic this morning, and suggested to Cupid that it should be stopped. I said maybe we should keep a count, and next time he's in charge, I could get a spanking of equivalent number.

He said he'd been thinking much the same. But not a simple count. [I shouldn't have told him about the Pink-Bottomed Girls' brilliant counting games - it fired his mathematical enthusiasm.]

He suggested doubling the spanks each time, or using Fibonacci number (where you add the previous two, so it goes 1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,55...) or maybe triangular numbers (1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, 28, 36, 45, 55 ...) or exponentials, or a Turing computer... He obligingly explained how all these work, leaving me reeling slightly. In between his sentences, I would start off, 'Sorry, but how does that work again...?' and then burst out laughing at the thought of having tacked another couple of dozen spanks onto an already excessive number.

This evening, he's out, but I am up to 24 - I kept count carefully in his absence - and I'm dreading our next switching session. The discussion had the benefit, though, that instead of stressing about what's going on in my head to make me apologise, I now just giggle, and shout 'Oh bugger! That's twenty-four!'

This is probably going to be my last post till August, So I'll let you know how this counting game worked out then.

Till then, have fun!

This Morning...

Being Saturday, we were able to laze around in bed together. So we did. Cupid, snuggling up against my back, began grinding against my bum, something he tends to do if given half a chance. So I ground back for a bit, getting him hard. Then I rolled over to face him and started playing with his cock, and teasing his arse to wind him up. I love the way he immediately opens his legs wide if I do this - it's such a slutty move.
Having not fucked him that way for a while, I decided to treat him. Once he was really turned on, I got out a couple of things from out sex-toy drawer. One was our new shiny COLLAR.

(I bought it this week. While I was away over last weekend, Cupid was put on an orgasm ban. While I was away, he made himself come - not once, which would be forgivable, but four times. As a punishment, I told him I was getting a collar and lead for him to wear on our next night out. That was Tuesday, and he looked very pretty and obedient in it).

I told him to put the collar on, and while he struggled with the buckle, I got out my Magic-Wand vibro and lubed it. Then, I ordered him to spread his legs - and then told him what a slutty little sub he was for doing so. I fucked him with the vibrator while he played with his cock. I set the vibro on a what I call 'Motor-bike' setting - it starts slow and gets more and more intense, and then stops, leaving you wanting more, and goes back to the beginning.

He came really quickly, and very intensely, then rolled over for hugs. He looked so beautiful, lying there completely naked with a collar on and his hair all mussed.

I didn't get played with this morning, simply because I didn't ask. I'm not usually a morning girl. Also, half the fun is in the anticipation.