On Consent

Consent is not optional. Consent is essential.

I hold this for any form of sex, particularly for BDSM. Any sensible Domme is careful about consent. Being in control of someone, physically or emotionally or both, is a huge responsibility.
Conversely, subs enjoy not being in control of the action, but a safety net is vital to keep things in control.
Checking the sub's limits beforehand, slipping out of character to make sure everything is OK, and talking over a scene afterwards to pick up on improvements at once, go a huge way to keeping it safe. But the most important thing is the safeword.

It might seem easy for me, because as a Domme playing with a male sub, it seems there isn't much I can do to him which would go beyond the limits. There is a silly stereotype of masculinity, a perception of men as too 'strong' to need to give consent, of their being 'in control' whatever scene is being played. This is far from the truth.
In fact, I don't believe there is any difference between our play and a same-sex pairing or a male Dom/female sub scene. I work on the principle that anything I would be uncomfortable experiencing is off-limits for me to do to my Boy, unless he says otherwise.

Cupid and I use 'Palestine' as a safeword. One of the things I am proud of is that he's never had to use it in a scene. I've taken him close to the limits, but never too far.
According to the diary, the first time the safeword issue arose had little to do with sex. We were in a club, and Cupid was reluctant to dance to a song I really liked. I took his hand and led him to the dance-floor, with the words 'You're my sub and you'll do what I want.'
Later, we talked this over - it was a night of much conversation, and the first occasion I really started to understand Cupid - and I realised I'd been insensitive. I felt bad for exercising my 'bedroom' powers in public to get something I wanted:

I said that if I was domming him at any point, he had only to say Palestine and I would drop the issue like a hot brick. He said the safeword was for when it hurt, not when he didn’t want to do something. I persisted that when the two overlapped, he must use it. He said it was fine, being dommed into doing things was very nice.

I didn't understand at the time. I was confused by the idea that things he wasn't into could become fun, once he was told to do them. I gave the order that night because I was slightly drunk and wanted my own way, not because I realised at the time that he'd enjoy it.

Since then, I've got much more confident in giving orders and pushing limits. For example, I've recently introduced spanking into our sex life, and he likes it, not because he's specifically into pain - being more fond of psychological control - but because I tell him to take it.
Cupid's attitude demands a bit of second-guessing. I have to work out the space between something he will take if I tell him to, and what is entirely beyond his limits. Knowing him better has made this easier.

More recently, I misread him slightly. We were on a coach with the back seat to ourselves, and the five seats in front were empty. I'd been very cruel in bed that morning and refused to make him come, so I was playing with him under cover of his coat. I was close to making him come, but I when asked him if he wanted me to, he said no, so I left off.
Later, he told me if I had made him come anyway, it wouldn't have been a safeword issue. I'd misread his reactions there, assuming that he didn't like the idea of being made to come in public.
In fact, I think what appeals to him is the illusion of not being in control. This is a recurring theme with Cupid. If I pin him down and tell him I'm going to make him come whether he likes it or not, he really enjoys it. My taking control, and his relinquishing it to me, is a huge thrill for him.

That, however, is not going beyond consent, but playing with the limits of what is allowable. I think that's where BDSM has its appeal - it allows you to explore some darker edges of your self. It's cathartic, it goes close to the limits, but ultimately it's safe. That's precisely why consent is so important, because if you're not playing safely, it stops being play and becomes something else.