On beginnings

Where to start?

There are a hundred starts to any story. One could go back to the way I was disciplined as a child, if you're a Freudian, or the online conversations I had about BDSM with a man I never met.

But I think I shall start with the belt.
I was finding it decidedly awkward to hold Cupid's arms above his head with one hand and tickle him with the other. We had been seeing each other for a matter of weeks, and while the subject of BDSM, and especially his subby nature, had come up, this was the first time I did anything about it.

I was sitting on top of him, a position which comes fairly naturally to us, and holding his wrists together above his head. To my delight, he looked very much like a painting of Saint Sebastian, stripped and tied up, except that he wriggled more.
Holding him down was keeping me busy, so I said 'This is really getting awkward. I think I should tie you to the bed.'

It was a throwaway line, but he was delighted at the idea and my bed at that time had a conveniently barred headboard, like an old dormitory bed. I rose and fetched my belt, as the most logical thing to use. It, like me, looks the last thing you'd associate with BDSM. It's a grey one I found in a sale ages ago, not even leather, but grey cloth.
I sat astride Cupid again, and as I looped the belt inexpertly between his wrists and the bars, I said 'The safeword is Palestine, ok?'

(I got that from "Desperate Housewives", where Bree's attempt to think of a serious safeword produces a solemn look and the suggestion 'How about Palestine?')
It didn't occur to me to ask if the Boy had a safeword he used already. I don't think, though I may be wrong, that he'd used one before, other than saying 'too much!' if it ever was.
I was quite happy to dictate that we were going to be strictly consensual about this. Consent is something I will write on later, at length, and probably with vehemence. Right now, I wanted to be sure that I kept within the boundaries.

Once I had the Boy secured, I was slightly at a loss for what to do next. So I kept tickling him. I really adore the way he wriggles when I do this, and his helpless laughter. I also took the chance of biting him a fair bit. Love-bites are a delightful balance along the pleasure-pain barrier, and I revelled in the opportunity of inflicting a few with no resistance. I managed to scrape my front teeth along his collar-bone and hurt him, which temporarily put me off biting at all. At this point in the learning process, I was deeply unsure of myself and entirely prepared to stop and say it wasn't my thing at the least set-back.

Then I had a bright idea, involving a recurring question of my sex life. I have an oddly-built and highly individual pussy, which only answers to me. No one else can make me come, I have to either do it myself or do without.
So I whispered 'I'm going to make myself come, and you're going to wait for me and watch.'

I think that was the first remotely verbal domming I'd done. I'm quite happy to dictate things in bed, but it never occurred to me to tease before. Also, it got me neatly over the question of whether to do it myself and make the Boy feel awkward, or leave out my orgasm altogether.
He then initiated the habit of sucking my fingers, and I made him come manually. Then he was released from my amateurish attempt at bondage, and the belt was thrown on the floor.

In the hugging-fest which followed, we got talking about the dom-sub dynamic. I was curious and asked him to dom me a bit.
From his point of view, this was tricky, partly because it was new to him and partly because his long hair keeps falling over his face when he's on top. Nevertheless, he held both my hands above my head with one of his, and dommed me very mildly, his face ultra-serious.
I liked the change of dynamic and enjoyed being passive. What I enjoyed about it, I think, was the sudden absence of responsibility. He stopped after a short while and said he found it difficult to dom, because he had to keep reminding himself that I liked it. I noted at the time that for a 'gentlemanly' boy, pretending to force a girl must be more complicated than it is for a girl to dom a boy.

That was the first time I tried domming in any form, and it didn't occur to me that it might ever be a major part of my life. It was simply a slightly new kink to play about with.

I made notes in my diary the next day of where I might take this.

Memo – Things to do to Cupid
Tickling – find the psychological moment to stop, ditto to start again. When he's relaxed and not expecting it..
Tie him up in different places?
Learn to dom verbally.
Make him watch me come. Better still, make him listen. Blindfold him?
He likes sucking my fingers. Take fingers away to tease him. Ditto breasts, mouth.
Straddle his face?
He has long hair I can grab, and push him down to my breasts, pussy, etc.

I was already full of domming ideas, but I didn't start thinking of myself as a dom for some time.