On words and names

What's in a name? The setting of a scene, a shift of mood and atmosphere, and the difference between respect and downright cheekiness.
The way I use language for domming is crucial - especially control domming, rather than straightforward pain-play.

Starting with names, I have a list of questions I wrote in my diary, from my early days, which includes a language query:

Can I get him to call me ‘Lady’ or ‘Mistress’ (or ‘Sir’) or something, and thank me for attentions? That would be hardcore for me. Can I catechise him ("Am I beautiful?" "Yes" "What am I?" "You’re beautiful, Psyche.")?

He started by calling me Mistress, but to me 'mistress' had unpleasant overtones - it made me think of a woman wearing red fishnet stockings in the back seat of an MP's car.
I decided 'Lady' was better. Cupid gave this his own spin, once I'd told him how I wanted to be addressed, and called me 'My Lady'. Occasionally, he forgets and addresses me as Mistress. This gets him into big trouble. Who, I demand, is your mistress?

His name, insofar as he has one, is Boy. Usually 'Bad Boy', or to a third party, 'My Boy'. To me, 'Boy' says sweet, post-adolescent but not quite grown up, carrying none of the baggage of adulthood and masculinity.

The use of words is more complicated. Talking dommy was the most difficult part of the process at first, and I used to plan out my words in my diary before playing a scene. I spent a lot of time trying to work out how to give orders without sounding negative. As I was very nervous about this, I worked it out in detail.

All the orders, I think, need to be given firmly, and strongly, but not too loudly, with no Umming and Erring, no excessive use of the word ‘just’, which is a bit femmy and conciliating – ‘just do this’ makes it an implied request. Also very firm clear commands, and no shyness about the vocabulary. But conversely they must be positive, avoiding ‘Don’t’, especially when correcting his technique.

This is drawn from a passage where I planned my first full-length scene. It involved kinky boots, a black pearl necklace, lots of cunnilingus, and not much else. I needed to be very clear with the orders, because for me oral sex does not work if it's hit and miss, I have to direct it very precisely.

A month later, I was working out how to do verbal domming more generally:

Verbal domming, can I do that? How far can I go, is occasional teasing, references to ‘naughty boy’ enough? Can I go into a character and give direct orders? Without any humour or sign of gratitude/pleasure? Can I be verbally abusive and seem serious about it, e.g. name-calling, ‘you slut’ etc? Can I tonguelash if it’s done wrong? What are off-limits as subject for teasing/savagery?

The idea of 'going into a character' plays into a few things Cupid and I are into. I use act in my school days, and can get into character and keep to it if necessary. Cupid plays role-playing games, a branch of the same thing, and has a better grasp of staying in character, and improvised acting, than I ever will. So for both of us, going 'into character' is not an alien concept. I was starting to play role-playing games with Cupid, and had worked out a character of my own to play, but improvisation was still scaring me. Since I'm very reluctant to be loud or bossy, and have never been in any position of authority, the idea of giving direct orders to someone I didn't know that well was frightening. I began to consider adopting a character who could be the other side of myself, and was comfortable with giving orders. I did, in the end, and called her Psyche.

Name-calling I regarded as off-limits for a long time. I only discovered that Cupid liked it last month. In his experiments in domination, he tends to call me names and make me repeat them back.
"You're a filthy little slut. What are you?"
"I'm a filthy little slut, Sir."
I eventually started doing the same thing to him and found that it really excited him. I use variations on his theme - 'bad slut', 'kinky little slut', and when he's good, 'my beautiful slut'. I couldn't explain what magic the word holds for him, but it undoubtedly works.
I couldn't call him anything unequivocally unkind in the context of a scene, or any context. That, I know, would be off-limits. Cupid has had bad experiences with genuinely ill-meant verbal abuse, and I don't have any intention of reopening wounds.

So the words I use are important. From the first order I give, Cupid knows he must respond 'Yes, my Lady'. Instantly, the scene is set. Even if I send him a text signed 'your Lady', he knows we are 'in character'. Talking slutty to him gets us both excited, and giving clear orders gets me exactly what I want from Cupid, and keeps him in order.

I've spun this article out, so in 'On Words II', I'll include a passage from my diary of four months ago, where I wrote a whole scene as dialogue.