On the Toy Position

The Toy positon is something we invented lately to get round the tricky dynamic of boy-on-top sex.
I spent a lot of my adolescence thinking that the Missionary position was the be-all and end-all of HeteroSex, and swearing I wanted nothing to do with it. Why would I let a man pin me down and do what he liked? I couldn't imagine getting any fun out of it at all. (As mentioned previously, I can usually only come when I'm face down).

Besides, it was named for the Christian missionaries in Polynesia who insisted it is the only correct position, expressing the man's God-given superiority. The Polynesians, who'd been creatively fooling about with other methods for centuries, were mystified by this assertion. (Wikipedia says this is a myth, but, hey, never let the truth stand in the way of a good story).

Then I started sleeping with boys, and found that if badly done, I can't stand this position, because it limits my freedom to move and my ability to turn myself on, and it can get very impersonal.

Taken slowly and sensitively, though, I love it. There's something slightlty subby about staring up into a boy's face, which I like in a vanilla context. However, while domming Cupid, that doesn't really have the required degree of force, so to begin with we usually used it if we were being slightly vanilla or very affectionate.

Then I had an idea which would make it more fun for me physically and more subby for Cupid. I'd read in the Hite Report (a fantastic book, highly recommended) that some women vary intercourse by using the man's cock to rub against her outer genitals - in other words, not penetrating, just rubbing, rather like playing about with the tip of a dildo or a vibrator. That way she could stimulate her clit, which is tricky in the missionary position. So I started doing this when we were in the right position for it.

Then the other day I decided to make it an instruction he'd know immediately. There afre a few of these. 'Down' means I expect him to kneel, 'strip off' is self-explanatory, and a well-directed nudge of his head is the non-verbal signal to begin oral sex on me.

So I explained the Toy Position to him. I lie with my legs spread, and he kneels between my thighs while I used his cock as my toy, usually rubbing it on my clit, and building up to fucking. (In theory, I could play till I'd had enough and then say stop. In practise it's such a turn-on I haven't yet managed to reach the point of calling a halt, and I just end up fucking him, however much I didn't mean to).

Being entirely in control of how much fun he gets, and controlling him by controlling his cock, gives me a huge thrill. I suspect the tension of the position works pretty well for him too.

I had a really good experience the other night. I was at a party with Cupid, and I wore a very short dress, a G-string and hold-up stockings, which are clothes to bring out my inner sub anyway. Because it was a largely outdoor party, my bum got really cold. I'd had a lot to drink, and unwisely stuck my tongue out at Cupid while I was bent over, leaning my hands on a table and rubbbing my bum up against him.

He smacked me hard when I wasn't expecting it, and because of the cold, the sensation after the smack was AMAZING. I literally couldn't breathe for a few seconds, and I dropped into what I think of as subspace without stopping on any other levels.

I couldn't even tell him how good that had felt for a minute because I was gasping for breath and trying to focus on who and where I was. Poor Cupid was - I fear - a little scared that he'd overdone it, and my reaction meant it was too much for me. If he'd done it again, it probably would have been, but that delicious drop, followed by hugs and reassurance to bring me back up, made the best moment of scening in ages for me.

All change

More is changing in the world of Psyche and Cupid.

The other morning, after a lot of intense discussion, unrelated to kink, I started Domming Cupid about chastity. I was threatening to impose orgasm bans on him again - long-term ones, like 48 hours, rather than in-scene ones.

He suddenly stopped me and told me this was too much, and he was starting to feel overwhelmed with Scene, like we were over-doing it.

Initially, I reacted badly to this, taking it as a direct criticism. Since I am still quite insecure as a Domme, I assumed any problem was entirely my fault, and was annoyed that I'd put so much time and effort into learning to Dom, only to find it wasn't really what he wanted.

Of course, it wasn't nearly as drastic a situation as that. Once I calmed down and listened, he elaborated.

He was feeling that we were too sceney and never really out of character. He's never been a 24/7 type, and finds this difficult. Apparently this realisation just hit him, out of the blue, while I was domming.

I can see why this bothers him. Reflecting on what he said, it's true. Since I now live with another kinky couple, who have a D/s situation running pretty constantly, I've been acting up to a similar level. My communal house-space has got very kink-heavy, and Cupid is finding it oppressive.

Also, the counting apologies game we had is liable to sneak into every conversation we have, and is also getting wearing for him.

We resolved:
1. Our various communal spaces, at my place and his, are kink-free. (I lapsed last night, pinching his inner thighs to make him get up and make the tea. He - quite rightly - pulled me up on this behaviour, which was exactly the sort of thing he finds difficult. Worse luck, it's practically a habit with me now.).

2. We dropped the chastity idea altogether - it's never been Cupid's thing, as he likes to keep his erotic independence, although I kind of like it as an easy control method.

3. The counting of apologies has stopped.

4. There is a new safeword - roughly equating to Amber oin the Traffic-Light system - which is Doncaster. This indicates something is uncomfortable or it;s not the right moment, rather than a full-on emergency.

I'm waiting to see how we will react to these changes.

I've really toned down on the D/s, partly because I want to know how much this is a change of Cupid's attitude, and how deep it goes. I find it as hard to envisage him becoming vanilla as becoming a vegan. I shall wait and see.

In Other News.
In just over a week, I come off hormonal contraception and stop being mood-swingy and tearful. Hopefully, that will improve out communication,- which has got a bit wobbly lately, what with me being away from home for a week, and a complex issue regarding non-monogamy arising.

I'm afraid I'm updating more gloom and nothing very exciting or upbeat, but bear with me, reader. Sooner or later there will be more excitement and kink, I promise!

Bad Psyche

I did something VERY silly this morning.

Cupid and I were playing, after a lengthy headspacey discussion, mostly to do with me feeling crap and him trying to reassure me. I got into one of my subby moods - feeling like I really needed some pain and discipline, just to feel normal again. So Cupid - despite not feeling very good, or very dommy - obliged, first with hard biting, then spanking. This felt good for me, and he got my Rabbit vibrator off the bedside table,lubed it, and went to fuck me up the arse with it.

Now, I should have said right then that, because it's got a big bulbous head, I needed warming up and stretching with one finger first. And I didn't. So he pushed it in, and I began to cry and said 'Oh FUCK. That hurts.' Not the safeword, note. An ambiguous signal.

Cupid, quicker than I was, asked 'Too much?' and when I said yes, pulled it out instantly, dropped out of character, and hugged me. I felt dreadful for not saying, and kept apologising (like I do), mostly because I knew he'd feel bad for hurting me, and I felt bad for making him feel bad, when I could have said something.

I don't know why I didn't say anything. Part of me would like to think it was total involvement in the scene, but it wasn't. I suspect it was me being detached and inattentive to my part of the play - me treading on my dance-partner's toes, if you like.

We talked it through, and carried on to very good, thoroughly vanilla, sex.

This incident illustrates very well why I shouldn't sub when my head-space is wonky. It also illustrates how good Cupid is to me, for which I am very grateful.

More - and cheerfuller - news soon.

Further counting games

Just a quick post, as Cupid is sitting naked on his bed with his hands tied behind him as I type.

I've just discovered a really wicked variation on counting games. I get him very wound up by playing with him, and than ban him from coming. He has to take his mind of this by reciting the alphabet backwards, every second letter of the alphabet, or whatever I suggest. Meanwhile, I continue teasing him, to make it as difficult as possible for him to concentrate. Obviously, if he comes before I give permission, he's in even more trouble.

He got spanked for being cheeky when I suggested the Fibonacci sequence (which he knows and I don't). He said he might just make it up. Well, he started to say that, and I turned him over and laid into his arse thoroughly for the mere suggestion that he might disobey me.

So far he's still banned from coming, and I haven't decided whether to let him, or leave him in suspense till we next meet. He's also under threat of a chastity belt if he disobeys me on this one again.

Right, time to see if Cupid knows the Greek alphabet.
Backwards.

Where to start with recent news?

My place still doesn't have Internet, and Cupid's is intermittent and wobbly, so again, it's been a while. Our scene from the other night is the best we've played recently, so here it is.


I'd had a couple of whiskys (not my usual) and was emboldened to play, though sufficiently sober to be safe.
(I realise there are varied opinions on mixing drink and play. Some people will say you should both be sober, some that it doesn't matter. My view is that a drink or two relaxes one enough to get more into the scene - much like ordinary sex - but with more than that, the consent issue raises its ugly head. Also, anyone in control of a scene that has physical restraints or risky moves involved needs to be just that - in control.)
So, two small glasses of whisky, and I was clear-headed but a little bolder than usual. We'd had an emotional evening and talked out a few stresses, and getting through that had made me feel well up to domming. Also, Beatrice (mentioned before) is now my housemate, and is very good at encouraging me in domming, and passing on ideas. Having dommed Cupid herself, she knows very well what presses his buttons. We'd been chatting with her earlier and she'd got me rather in the mood to play

We went back to my room, where Cupid knelt as soon as I had the door shut. I remained fully dressed, and made him take his top off. Then I ordered him to take his shoes and sock off too, and he rose from his knees and sat on the bed. I immediately asked him 'Did I tell you to do that?' Always a neat question when a sub gets out of line.
'No, my Lady.'
'Down.'
He knelt again, a bit puzzled as to how to get his shoes off while kneeling.
'Stay on the floor, and take off your shoes - and keep your eyes down. Do I have to explain everything?'

Once he'd got that sorted, I bent him over the bed, and spanked him thoroughly. I told him what a little slut he was. He'd been ordered to wear the girl's knickers I told you about - the mock-boxers with I LOVE BOY PANTS on them. They are, as I've noted, obscenely tight, and outline his cock perfectly. I had him strip down to those, and teased him relentlessly about how he looked - very very pretty - while teasing him harder with my fingers at the same time.

I managed to spin out the teasing till he was gasping and almost incoherent, even when I asked him a simple question. Needless to say, that gave me another good opportunity to spank him.

Then, I made him suck my fingers, while telling him what was going to happen next - I was going to play with his arse, something that really gets to him. I told him he'd better get my fingers really wet, because that was all the lubrication he was getting. 'KY is for good sluts.'

He hadn't done anything specific to warrant this treatment, but I hadn't dommed harshly in a while and I felt like we both needed a really severe scene.

Then I fucked him with my fingers, while he got close to making himself come by playing with his cock - but he had to wait for my permission. This is always tough for him to judge, and he has been known to ask permission when it's already too late. This time, I made him stop once, and smacked his hand away from his cock, and then allowed him to come the next time he got close.

I really enjoyed this scene, and was flattered afterwards when Cupid asked when I'd worked it out. Since I'd been very low on confidence all evening, he thought I'd planned it some time previously. In truth, it just flowed from me, as occasionally a scene does. It's a wonderful feeling when I know that every move I make is precisely right, and is giving him a huge thrill.


It's hard to explain what makes a scene run this smoothly. Partly, I suspect, it is the ease that comes with having had a drink, a heightened confidence. I wouldn't drink just for my confidence, but the whisky just took the edge off my hesitation, and that helped a lot.
Also, the attitude I bring to a scene shapes it. Mostly, it is about acting on impulse. The best strokes of my domming career have come about through my having an idea and acting on it at once, before it cools. If it occurs to me that he would look better bent over the bed than lying on it flat, I make the change and we go from there. The discovery that my purple vibrator gives him more fun than it does me, and the discovery of the spatula, and the clothes-pegs, and a few other toys, can be attributed to this impulsive domming.
Third, I stopped asking my worst domming question, which is 'Now what shall I do with you?' It always implies hesitation, not knowing already what I'm doing, and that fatally saps my confidence. If I've run out of ideas, the scene is effectively over. I decided in my head that night exactly what I would do, and I did it without any reference to Cupid.


Now I need to decide how to punish him for his behaviour on Friday morning. I had to leave early for work, and sent him downstairs in my skimpy feminine dressing-gown to make my breakfast while I showered. He was very good about that, and while we ate I played with his cock, which was pretty obvious through the thin material. He' always easily turned on after he waked up, and rubbing him with a handful of the soft silky dressing-gown got him very hard.

Last time he stayed over, he texted me later to say he'd made himself come after I left. This time round, I decided he wasn't to, since we were seeing each other again in the evening. I told him so, adding that I'd know if he cheated, and left for work.

That night, when we met, we were out together, so had a few drinks and then came home and slept. I forgot to check on how responsive and arousable he was that night, which was how I meant to tell if he'd done as I said or if he'd come that morning. It wasn't till Saturday morning that he said - very minxily - that he'd disobeyed me and made himself come after I left, and how come I couldn't tell like I said I could?

So, I need to think of something to do to him, for disobeying and for minxing about it. Any suggestions?

Other news - my apologising got a bit out of hand lately. I'm up to a hundred and seventeen and counting. More news on that soon.

Back on the air

We have finally got internet access back. I've been fed-up with going online from internet cafes, and not daring to check out how my kink blog is going.

Cupid and I are back to separate rooms, which is a blessing in some ways. I now have a space which is MINE, which he kneels down when he enters. And I have much more understanding housemates than before. I have enough room to store my various outfits and props and toys. He has the freedom of not being under his Lady's thumb all week, which was getting a bit irksome for him.
And the mystique is creeping back. Little things like him not knowing what I'm wearing underneath, because he didn't see me getting dressed this morning.

This evening, I have a surprise for him. I've just got my hair dyed, and with the leftover dye I drew a heart-shape into my muff. He has three guesses, two of which he's used - my fancy red knickers and my scorpion nipple-jewellery were the first two. There's a forfeit if he doesn't get it right on the next guess. I bet he won't.

I haven't decided what the forfeit is yet.

I promised to update on how the spankings to make me stop apologising were going . They worked pretty well, and brought out Cupid's inner dom more than I expected. He seemed to get into the idea of giving me a quick scene - five minutes over his knee - at bedtime, or extending it if he wanted to play for longer. I took to going up to bed first, and waiting, with the collar on, reading till he came up, like an obedient sub. Then he'd question me closely about the number we were on, and I'd have forgotten, guess, argue with the increase he said, and try to minx my way out of punishment. I'm very bad at being a good sub, I'm very disobedient, but it's probably handy for Cupid to have a good reason to punish me.

Also, we improvised a new toy. There was one spatula in the kitchen of his old house that was much more solid and square that the normal ones, which tend to have round corners and be quite flexible. While we were washing up once, I got it out and whacked Cupid's bum with it, saying 'Look! A pervertible!'

Later, when I'd been naughty and was being punished, I was cheekier than usual, and Cupid left me and went downstairs. I lay there thinking 'Oh shit, I'm going to get the ICE,' which is my least favourite punishment. He came back up with the spatula instead, which was a big relief. At least until he started spanking me with it.

In a couple of days we're going out clubbing. I've suggested, like the SAM (Smart-Arse Masochist) I am, that Cupid gets to dictate what I wear, right down to the skin. He's not a big fan of detailed clothes-analysis like I am, so I suggested he could just say which bits he wanted on show, and I'd work it out from there. The collar is a given, naturally, and the lead that goes with it. I'm already a little kinked about wearing those on the way into town. Once we're at the venue, no one will be at all shocked, but I LIKE the idea that a lot of people I don't know can see how much I love submitting to Cupid.

Anyway, it's late and I ought to be in bed. I'll post more soon.